How an hour of Zumba reminded me that I am more than just a runner.

Today was not a running day.  I knew it at 05:30:02, two seconds after my alarm went off and I rolled over to hit the snooze.  Completely missed my training time.  A workout I would be hard pressed to squeeze in later in the day; first one I have missed all training season.  The devotional I read this morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries was titled "I didn't sign up for this."  The reflection question at the end asks "When you can't change the circumstances, how might you change your attitude, bringing it in line with Scripture?"  Thanks for setting the stage early for a lesson in attitude, Lord.  I couldn't run today - both logistically and mentally.  Three kids and an outrageous weather system made every attempt at running fruitless.  Mentally the running community has me on edge.  Training groups, an impending large scale race and the drama that comes with dealing with a mostly female clientele are beginning to take their toll.  I bit my tongue so hard at some things today I cracked a tooth!  I had one reprieve in store, 45 minutes at the track at 6:00pm.  Not so much.  It rained; no it poured. Between that and the holiday I had no one to train today, and no motivation to train myself.  My friend Kara and I were discussing earlier that seeing a conflict resolved is more beneficial for a person than never seeing conflict at all.  I was not seeing a resolution, just the chaotic conflict of the last few weeks of my life.

So I headed home, sightly more than dejected, for dinner. In the midst of turning of putting my phone away before dinner, I noticed a Facebook post reminder about Zumba tonight at 8:00pm at Center Stage Dance Company.  I haven't been in months.  Today was the day; I told my husband I wanted to go.  And, as he has over the last almost 9 years of marriage, he seemed to just know that I needed to go as well.  So after the kids were asleep I put on a pair of Brooks shoes that I bought to do speed work in 2 years ago, but that I honestly think are horrible for running in.  You know what they are good for?  Dancing!

I slipped into class just as Stephanie, the owner, was beginning the warm up.  Her energy is infectious.  If she's had a bad day she never shows it.  I didn't speak.  Not because I'm rude or shy, but because I was taught from a young age not to speak in dance class.  But I sure smiled a lot.  I immediately thought of my friend Tambra who took me to my first Zumba class years ago.  As we did a song I was familiar with I thought of a night about 2 years ago, when I might have been suffering from slight postpartum depression and I relieved my stress that night by busting a groove as well - and wore out my jazz sneakers.  To be fair they were almost 10 years old.  But I giggled tonight as I remembered the worn soles from that night.  I grinned even bigger as we danced to some island music that reminded me of my friends Serena and Aaron, honeymooning in Jamaica, whose wedding I was privileged to attend this past weekend.  The wedding was outdoors.  It rained a torrential downpour the entire ceremony, except for the two minutes it took Serena to walk down the isle.  But the bride and groom smiled joyous, authentic smiles the entire time.  I continued to dance, sweat and process my thoughts as we finished with "All That Jazz" from the musical Chicago.  A show with the kind of spectacular jazz dancers that can outshine any marathon performance.

And then, as I was leaving class, almost 16 hours after my day began and days after my sense of control started to unravel, only then did I realize what the Lord was trying to teach me today.  There are many runners who say running gives them clarity, peace of mind, allows them to be connected or disconnected - whichever they need that day.  But what do you do as runner when the thought of running makes you grate your teeth?  My friend Stephanie (different Stephanie than Zumba Stephanie) once told me that breaking her foot was obviously not good for her running, but was great for her spirit.  It forced her to rely on God for her spiritual well being, not running.  Everything that happened today was out of my control, it wasn't a matter of fault, but circumstances.  The only things I do have control over are my attitude and reaction. Why does the Lord test us, especially when we feel we are at our weakest?  Because only then can we truly appreciate that "God intend[s] it all for good," (Genesis 50:20).

So as I sit here watching Chicago (well, because it's fabulous) I do plan to run tomorrow and bike as well. But I'm glad my dancing feet and a few friends helped to remind me that no matter what happens, I can handle it with joy and contentment in my heart.